Hey there. Here’s some good news. Our president can apparently declare a toxicant isn’t toxic, and poof, just like that it’s not. Take asbestos (“100 percent safe, once ship asbestos.jpgapplied,” according to the toxicologist in chief.) If you learn one thing in introductory toxicology, it’s that asbestos can cause mesothelioma. It’s a textbook kind of cause and effect relationship particularly in older ship yard and construction workers. If only they had you around to declare them healthy before they died of mesothelioma.

Another brief toxicology lesson Mr. President. Nothing is 100 percent safe. We all know that, you should too. And “once applied?” what about workplace exposure before and after? What about when “the once applied” begins to fail?

But never mind all that sciency stuff.  Thanks to its new reduced toxicity status, asbestos is not only not being banned but is being reconsidered for use in new products after EPA approval. Knowing it’s 100% safe, should make us all feel a lot better – especially those whose jobs it is to put it in place, or remove it once it’s served its purpose.

When decades of science can be altered with the scratch of a pen, its mind blowing. Why didn’t we think of this sooner? Think of how much healthier we’d all be. Think of all the money that could have been saved! All those toxicity tests? Gone with the stroke of a pen. All those years in graduate school? Unnecessary! Who knew?

dicamba-injuryKeeping up with this new toxicology is overwhelming, but in a good way, know what I mean? Who needs all those laws to protect us from pollutants in air and water? Fortunately  farmers, will no longer need to worry about the stray dicamba herbicide killing their crops; and citizens across the country whose water is contaminated by chemicals used in firefighting foam, nonstick coating, water repellents and lots of other stuff (the perfluorinated chemicals) can rest assured, this administration will make sure it’s not so toxic. Wait, what? Whoops, sorry folks that one already slipped out.  Guess it’s still a problem.

plumber nationBut what about all that lead contaminating drinking water in schools ? Mr. President, could we just please get an executive order declaring that safe? Also if you can reverse all that damage to developing brains over the past century caused by lead that would be great too. Even better how about you simply declare all this toxic stuff non-toxic – like the air particulates that wend their way into our hearts and lungs; the organophosphate pesticides that disturb the developing brain, the solvents that cause cancer. Whew. We won’t even need the EPA anymore. Hooray! No more Scott Pruitt. Nice job Mr. President!